Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in clarisa's LiveJournal:

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Monday, January 2nd, 2006
2:58 pm	I saw my car today. I can honestly saw I don't know how I'm alive.. (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Monday, November 21st, 2005
2:59 pm	I can't explain the reasons I am who I am. Some say its your parents, your friends or the environment you are in, or some combination of all of them. I couldn't say exactly what I think it is. All I know is I am this person, a young lady who has a big heart. I quickly grow to love and care deeply for people. I tend to trust individuals before I should. Sometimes my heart makes me do things I regret, or hinders me. When I feel really bad about something or have a conflict in need of resolution I have trouble facing it, or discussing it. I am more of a person of words. Its much easier for me to write the things I feel, or express my frustration, or pain. I don't know why people or myself make the decisions we do, or why we handle them in the ways thatwe do. Why do we hurt those we love? Why do we choose to read into looks? Why do we feel the need to have companionship? Why do we make the mistakes thatwe do? Why do some people handle them so much better than others? A speaker once told me people are not bad, they just have bad habits. But if you do something bad once, is it a bad habit? What category does that fall into? How do people learn to handle their mistakes or bad luck with such ease and grace, or skill and recoverance? And why is it that girls feel the need to snicker and sneer at a beautiful girl they see. Why do we judge those around us becuase of their great friends, or their nice clothes, or utter beauty. Are we so jealous that we can't be happy for them? Does our envy cuase us to flash them a stare? Acceptance, forgiveness, appreciation, love, and respect. Why is it that these things seem to be so hard for some? Why can't we be happy for those who have things going good, or who were blessed with great genes? Many loose touch with reality. While we have roofs and food and families and sight and the ability to use our limbs, we still hold grudges, want expensive things and get infatuated with consequential things. Everyone has problems in their lives, some cover up their pain very well but that doesn't mean its not there. I know personally I need to look at my own life. The problems I have with people, the resentment, the jealousy?, or maybe its just the yearning to be as beautiful or as lucky, or as happy as those around me. I don't want to wait until its too late to realize my mistkaes or the ways I could havelived my life diferently or how petty the things I think about now are. Love, freinds, family, turst, respect...reality. (Comment on this)
Thursday, November 17th, 2005
10:36 am	the power of music. think about it, its amazing. one song can bring about a wave of emotion in a matter of moments. It can get you pumped up,it can give you inspiration to be positive or appreciate the things around you, or make you sad completely overcome by past memories, experiences and feelings.. Current Mood: lethargic (Comment on this)
Wednesday, November 16th, 2005
5:38 pm	too many jasons some days are just hard...flat out hard. (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Sunday, October 16th, 2005
10:43 pm	inspired. Do you ever find it interesting how poeple are inspired? For some its a book, others a movie, for some a death, or a major catastrophe. Why do we need something to help us do the things we have been wanting to? I saw Elizabethtown today. It was interesting, I still don't know if I really liked it or not but there was this one scene that really touched me. The mom in the movie, the one who's husband died, was dancing and laughing and practically glowing because she had realized all the love her husband had left her. She loved him with all her heart and was devastated by his death, but then moved, and just embracing his love. As I sat there I thought of my own parents. Yes, they love each other, but like that? I would have to say no. They don't share the embracing full force love that is depicted in them movies, or even by some parents and couples. Does love like that find you? Or do you have to make love? Is there true love or is it comfort, protection, caring, and the routine of that certain individual. I can only hope to experience what that couple had. Even though it was a movie, it would be possible, and it was a beautiful thing seeing what they had together.. Love .. Current Mood: contemplative Current Music: grey's anatomy (Comment on this)
Thursday, August 25th, 2005
7:37 pm	my dad and i haven't truly spoken in about 2 months. him and my mom fight all the time. I cried every night for about two weeks. its been a rough summer. (Comment on this)
Sunday, July 17th, 2005
11:04 pm	walking to clear your thoughts.. hah. walking to clear your thoughts? who in the world came up with that idea, and did they actually think it was a valid statement? I mean truthfull if you have a lot of things weighing you down in your mind, taking a nice long walk is not going to suddenly solve them. when you have major issues they need to be resolved, contemplated, risks taken, things lost, and things maybe gained by your decisions. Bottom line as much as I wish this theory was true it really seems to be false. Walking doesn't resolve the issues, it makes you feel better becuase you have worked out, exercised, maybe worked off calories, but the problems are still there. What you really need when you have a lot on your mind is good advice from someone you trust or can confide in, or to just relax and try to let things happen. But does that work? It is often said to just relax and let whats meant to happen happen. however I don't understand this theory either. If you don't do anything, and you just sit back and let "wahts supposed to happen happen" then how does it happen. If everyone where to go by this theory then nothing would ever happen. A certain gentleman might be waiting for you to say something to him, but you are waiting for him, so then both parties do nothing, in hopes that "whats supposed to happen will." Are you supposed to sit around and wait for things to get better? Are you supposed to wait for them to say something? If you are meant to be together, or meant to be friends will fate bring you together? Has walking to clear your thoughts ever really worked? Current Mood: curious Current Music: Yes, dear (Comment on this)
Saturday, June 25th, 2005
10:32 pm	soul searching.. soul searching. even the name of it sounds scary and unknown. I am in the process of soul searching. Soul Searching is always on tv shows, and movies, and books, and such but what is the actual process. How does one go about "finding their soul." I have morals, I know my name, my family, my home, my school, my grades, but I don't know where i want to be in 10 years, where i want to go to college, what I want to exactly major in, who my true friends are, if i want to play volleyball or not, and if I will regret all my decsions a few years from now. I feel like I don't know who I am becuase I am not sure where I am going, or even where exactly I want to go. I know I want to be successful and happy. hah. What the heck is happy, and successful, please how many "successful" people are happpy. I feel lost in my own world. Its summer yet I am not sure where to even begin to enjoy it. I feel like there are a million things to do yet I can't bring myself to figure out what they are, I have tons of phone calls to make calling people back, or catching up with old friends but I just don't know what to say. I miss the days when everyone would go out together, bowl, see a movie, swim and play around in the pool, hang out, laugh. Its hard facing the truth about people. Sometimes you want so bad for them to be something they aren’t in your life that you let yourself believe in them, in the end left extremely dissapointed and let down. other times you look back on what you used to have, the things that were said, and just wonder if any of them were true, or meant at all. Everyone always says to live these days to the max, don’t have any regrets, life passes by too fast, but I don’t even know where to start. There is only so much to do. Lifes passing, yes, but I am not quite sure how to really enjoy it anymore. Not matter what I feel scared about my future, unhappy with my present weight, appearance, and life in general. I just feel like I don’t know who I am. I’m not a very good dancer dancer, I am a mediocre athlete, I am not a genius, or a musician. There isn’t much for me to aspire to. I’m not an aspiring dancer, or actress, or future olympian, I can’t sing, and I sure as heck am not a model. So who am I? where am I going? what should I be aspiring to reach, or working on this summer? Theres a void in my life but i am not sure exactly what it is let alone how to fill it. Heres to the second week of summer, and the first week of Soul Searching... Current Mood: soul searching Current Music: The King of Queens (3 Comments |Comment on this)
Tuesday, February 8th, 2005
9:33 pm	lonelier than ever... Current Mood: lonely Current Music: all my life... (6 Comments |Comment on this)
Tuesday, January 4th, 2005
11:11 pm	It is a new year. I must say things are very different then they were last year at this moment in time, and they are also very different from the way they were at the beginng of theschool year. Change is hard, distance is hard, separating from the ones you love is hard and growing apart is very hard. There are certain things in my life right now that I truly wish were different, yet I can't change things I have no control over, yet I can attempt to make a difference no matter how hard it is or how much I am scared of it. Current Mood: determined (1 Comment |Comment on this)
11:05 pm	Its time to conquer fears, stick to a diet, exercise regularly, make decision,s decide my futre, its a new year and i am determined to make it the way I want it. I want to get good grades, loose weight, be a good friend, put on good events, be a good daughter, respect the people around me, and learn to see the beautiful things rather than sulk and focus and on negative things. I am not alone. Things happen for a reason. I make my own future. Each choice we make is a step in a certain direction, is yours the direction you want to be in? Current Mood: determined (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Tuesday, November 23rd, 2004
7:53 am	its life... Things have been moving so fast lately I feel as though they are almost passing me by. School has been defintely challenging yet I turn my head and there have been wonderful friends right there by myside. The feeling of having someone there for you is one of the mostcomforting feelings. Thanksgiving is coming and no matter how tough or problematic I think my life is in comprison to the things around me my problems are really trivial. There is so much more to life. But I can't stop wondering how things are going to end up. I guess I can conclude that I really am worried about my future. Current Mood: contemplative Current Music: school (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Sunday, November 7th, 2004
9:32 pm	homecoming was definetely a sucess..... The decorations turned out good and as a whole every event was spectacular. The dance itself was a balst, I had one of the best times ever. Grant was a great date and overall it was a crazy night that I won't forget. OVerall things are going good schools a little rough, classes are hard but the dance was great Current Mood: tired Current Music: desperate housewives (Comment on this)
Wednesday, October 27th, 2004
7:05 pm	YOu know those thoughts that you decide to keep in, the feelings, the love, the compliments, the hidden truth, compassion for someone? Did you ever think that maybe one day it would be to late to let them know how you felt? If you love somone you should tell them, if they look nice you should tell them, if their freindship means alot to them tell them, if you couldn't live without them tell them, if you care about someone tell them that. IF something were to happen to someone you love, like, or care for chances are you will always be left with what ifs or simple last words you wish you could have told them . don't regret not telling somone something. do it for yourself, do it for the person and do it for *Dylan Hunt*- 10/26/04 maybe things would have been different for him if he would have heard more of these things from the all the people who cared about him (Comment on this)
Monday, October 25th, 2004
10:20 pm	Sometimes the paths we choose, and the people we meet and the relationships we enter are the most surprising things you could imagine, sometimes the worst, somethime the best, and somtimes the hardest things that we may face. However its these relationshups, paths and choices that shape our lifes, futures and emotions. Current Mood: contemplative Current Music: quiet (1 Comment |Comment on this)
10:10 pm	PErsonally I find change hard, new times harder and previous memories the worst. I miss the times that are gone, I miss the people that were there and I have a hard time living in the moment and experiencing the new times. I miss the days when everyone lived near each other, I msis the days when classes were full of people who are no longer around. I miss the things of my past, have a hard time facing the future and hate the chages. I have found that ounce things have changed however I have a hard time keeping connected to the old, making the phone calls and keeping the connections that were ounce so strong... Facing my faults, the first step to conquering them.... Current Mood: contemplative Current Music: silence (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Tuesday, September 21st, 2004
10:23 pm	I think therefore I am... I think I am happy therefore I am happy... I talked to him today! I have realized that i have made good decisions, i have healthy relationships, and I need to focus on school and me and keep them strong. I don't need to worry about minor things, but happiness by far is not minor... I have many things to look forward, to accomplish, to be proud of and I am content... Current Mood: pleased (3 Comments |Comment on this)
Sunday, September 12th, 2004
11:07 pm	why do I have to care so much? the more i care the more i get hurt.... Current Mood: disappointed (3 Comments |Comment on this)
Saturday, September 11th, 2004
12:02 pm	so last night!!! It was so nice to see everyone and hang out and be happy and just everybody be togerher. It was the best!!!!! I loved every minute of it and the feelings and closeness that it brought back!!! I also realized how luicky i am to have scuh great people in my life. At the moment things are going pretty darn good. I have great firends, schools alright, i think i am at a good weight for now, my hair is straight, and idk its all working out. tongiht luis's going away party! I really don't want him to leave but if he must oh are we going to celebrate!!!!!!! beck i love you and i am always here! don't be scared be bold and do what you feel is right! Bre i swear you have changed my life... "love you mean it" Current Mood: hot Current Music: my goodies (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Tuesday, September 7th, 2004
8:04 pm	I wish things could stay the same.... I wish you could just stay... I wish you could just be there with me... I wish it wasn't so hard... I wish there wasn't sooo much work... I wish that I didn't hurt so much sometimes.. I wish I really knew the true feelings... I wish my mom didn;t have to stress so much... I wish my sister didn't have to feel pain... I wish my dad was happy... I wish I could be happpy about happy times instead of become said that they are over.... I wish I felt like i had a place.... do you wish? Current Mood: busy Current Music: so many thoughts... (1 Comment |Comment on this)